well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
