I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
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I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am naked and annoyed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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