i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
