He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
