We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
