I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
