Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
