if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
