What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You may now shotgun with the bride
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
