i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
