I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
