The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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