3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
