sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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