Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
