Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
