she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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