What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
