all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
