come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
