Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize