We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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