It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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