i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
