found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
two words...techno handjob
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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