another moral hangover. fuck.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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