god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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