Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
