call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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