you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
