I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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