dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
