I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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