We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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