Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
