Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
