Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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