like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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