Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
