Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
