I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
