why didn't you poke me back
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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