He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
