I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
