Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
