You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
