Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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