so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
