Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
