Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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