Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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