to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
