Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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