May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.