We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger