Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.