you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you win again, gameday.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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