His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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