8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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