You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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