i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
