Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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