dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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