The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
