Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
