I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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