your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
