We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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