he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
