Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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