so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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