my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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